I lift my eyes to gaze into the sky,
Sooner or later, we all gotta die.
Don't know where I went wrong, but now I'm lost.
These diligent memories have left me tempest-tossed.
I lost your guidance at a young age.
A new chapter of my life; just turn the page.
Where could you take me? Where would we go?
The answer eludes me, but only comes to show:
While I have no legacy; no next of kin,
The saddest words still remain; they are "it could have been"
I know you're sitting there, watching over me,
All I wanna feel is you taking hold of me.
Are you proud to stand tall and call out my name?
Or am I slowly and blindly losing this game?
I love you and I need you, but you're not here,
You're simply doing your best to take away my fear.
I'm following all the advice that preceded you,
But I've felt so alone every time I needed you.
It was easy at first, to feel you right there,
Feeling your arms as they embraced me with care.
Now I'm struggling just to hear your voice.
I want to remember again, but that's just not my choice.
I've realized you're the father I'll never truly know,
Yet I follow your footsteps with every breath to and fro.
As I progress through my life, I see it in your wake,
Now I'm lost and confused; I'm rocked by my mistakes.
I know you're up there, you're watching me.
I'm down here and I'm caught walking blindly.
I walk not on my own but as a shadow of your past.
I speak not with my voice but the echo built to last.
It hurts, you gone; Just too good for this earth,
Always gave me good advice but I’m losing my self-worth.
I shed my tears for you but they don’t belong.
I’m losing sight of the path until it’ll
all be gone.
As I’m fading from this earth, I’m dying to see
If you be right up there waiting to open those gates for me.
While I’m losing your voice, I’m following your ways.
It seems like time drains the memories but all the pain stays.
I can still remember when you left; every detail.
Like daring life to take me, climbing mountains of shale.
Whereof God was ready for your life to take,
It doesn’t feel like He considered the bond He’d break.
I remember you holding me, you’ll always be there,
Wasn’t anyone there to tell me life isn’t fair.
While each day, another piece of me is painfully fading,
It comforts me to know that you’re diligently waiting.
No words can express the way that I feel,
While I’ve thought of the end, and felt that cold steel,
That cold steel of my life as it crashed down around me,
Breaking those chains that constantly bound me.
I knew I couldn’t do it because I don’t want to fail you,
I’ll wait for the end so that my faith will hail you.
Still it seemed a devil’s advocate curiously taunts me.
Your fading memories and echoes responsibly haunt me.
At night, I turn my eyes to the stars in the sky,
The stars we become the day that we die.
I’m watching them, knowing you’ve surpassed the sun.
Your journey is over but mine has only begun.
While I can see a false start, see the end too soon,
I take comfort in that little light associated with the moon.
One day you were there and then you were lost.
Your death didn’t come at any small cost.
Because I was a child who just didn’t understand.
I’d do anything for just once to again hold your hand.
As they lowered you down, my eyes were on the cold, lonely sky.
The clouds opened up and beside me the whole world began to cry.
I look back now knowing it’s the next step to a verse,
I wasn’t ready to go on; couldn’t push through at first.
Then I realized running away wasn’t meant to be,
I love you, my father, maybe someday soon you’ll see.
I wash through smooth rivers of sorrow knowing that you raised a fool.
Always tried to be on top, always tried to stay cool.
I can’t wait for the day I’ll awaken to your face,
When this life has ceased and I’ve moved on to grace.
We’ll be in a place where our tears are like rain,
A place where we know how to wash away all pain.
It’s so hard to stand tall, so hard to stay strong,
When the good die young it seems like God got it all wrong.
To hear half your breath I’d walk straight through hell,
I’d take this mental trauma and still say "all is well."
Because you never gave up on what you were to me,
Never abandoned the fact that you’re part of the family.
Because you fought; died hard, but fought for your life,
Worked day after day through all your pain and strife.
With only the hopes of bringing home one final paycheck.
I know what you felt because I was always on deck.
I can see mom working hard to put dinner on a hot plate.
Both you hitting double shifts and coming home form work late.
And even at the hospital, you shouldn’t have hidden it.
The truth was right there, we could have ridden it.
A 4th grade student shouldn’t know the specs of chemotherapy,
Shouldn’t have to know about injections or radiology.
I can still picture you with tubes protruding from your chest,
That’s how I know that for four years you tried your very best.
And I was there, I saw you by law of evanescence,
I still didn’t understand; held back by adolescence.
I wish and I pray some day I’ll be by your side.
From this pain, I will always diligently hide.
I’m not afraid of death; I just want to hold you near.
I’m doing 120 on the freeway and holding no fear.
Confident or cocky? I really don’t care.
Anybody steps to the plate and I’ll take ‘em on right there.
All of these fights, three of them turn to brawl.
Thinking of you makes me feel like a child who can’t crawl.
I miss you, and I’m begging for some sort of guidance,
Hearing your voice alone would beckon me to compliance.
Where could we have gone if you didn’t leave me that day?
Would things have turned or at all have gone my way.
I’ve realized in this life I’ll never feel you again,
But I’m lying in the ashes of what once had been.
So many things I have to experience, don’t want death premature.
But this pain hurts so bad, it’s almost too much to endure.
How’d you do it? How’d you pull through?
All pain seems to cease when I think of how I love you.