Passing the gun from left hand to right.
I have decided to give up this life long fight.
Its the last decision Ill ever make,
Ive seen the last candles on my last birthday cake.
Tears roll down freely from all the pain,
thunder strikes outside, and I can hear the acid rain.
why should I have to deal with the pain of this life?
Its not worth it, Id rather end it all with a knife.
So many memories running through my head,
they all make me wish I was dead.
Will I have the courage to pull the trigger?
Will I wait patiently for my own grave digger?
I load a round into the magazine,
feeling as though it were all a dream.
Im sorry Stephanie, Im going back on my word,
my actions may allow my silent screams to be heard.
Chantelle, I promised I wouldnt go this way,
but nobody will listen to a single word I say.
Travis, get ready to piss on my grave,
my soul is lost, it cannot be saved.
Scot, you always have been my best of friends,
but eating at my heart is a wound that never mends.
I promised you all I would be okay,
so why is it all happening this way?
night after night, I have just sat and cried,
somewhere along the way, my spirit died.
From thereonout, I was nothing but a leftover shadow,
nothing left but my souls dying echo.
I place the barrel under my chin,
why is it everyone tells me I am drowning in sin?
Maybe its just because its me everyone seems to hate,
dont blame yourself when you read this, it is simply fate.
I close my eyes and fight back the fear,
now I can do ittheres nobody here.
Why do I write this? I am bidding a final farewell,
I am finding my little reserved spot in hell.
My legs are rubbery, I drop to my knees,
and I close my eyes tight and begin to squeeze.
There is a click and I scream,
shying away from deaths evil gleam.
Jesus Christ!, I forgot to load a round,
it scared the hell out of me! A machine so profound.
Created to save lives by taking that of another,
till it takes your own, or mistakenly your brother.
Images flash before my eyes,
blood on the floor as everyone dies.
Even myself, in a heap, in a pool of blood,
my parents standing around me, wishing the bullet was a dud.
Tears streak down my moms soft face,
she only wishes I have passed into grace.
Flashbacks stop, and I lay down the gun.
Is it over? Is it done?
I cry as I again walk away,
this will all be saved for another day