Shadow's Poetry...
*The* Rose
...But I Am
Baby Baby
Garden Of Glass
The Dance Of Eternal Light
Lost Soul
Parak-Ne Bachin 'De
I'm Not Okay
Deserted Losses
Just Don't Know
Into The Mist Of Memories
Can You Hear Me?
Untitled...Any Suggestions?
Untitled, My Dear
The Shadow
Eternally Yours
I Feel
Lethal Assassin/Last Time
Opposing Forces
Eternal Sunshine
Shadow's "One Step Closer"
Daddy (2)
Kiss Of Death
Don't Ask...Don't Know...
The Animal In Me
Uh...No Comment?
Tear My Heart Open
Peacin' Out...Signing Off
Reduced To Tears
Please Understand
That Fight I Didn't Win
The Reaper
Shadows Of Oblivion
Just Had To Let Go
Stray Bullet
Actually Untitled
The Dance
Loving You
For You
Only Friends
Confused And Wishing
Friend In A New World
Taking Chances
What I Need To See
My Heart With You
The Fire Of Hate
Drowning In Fury
The Tears Of Fear
Sudden Betrayal
Life Is Like A Game
I Wish
Last Words
Still Together
Couldn't Say I'm Sorry
Remembering You
A Time
Walking Tall
Ready To Die
Where Did You Go?
Forced Lie
An Angel?
Missing You Already
My Dad: Gone Too Soon
Protecting You
I'm Sorry
The Day I Died
It Could Have Been
Betrayal Is The Cruelest Thing
The End
The Real Me That Nobody Sees
Too Late
If I Died Tomorrow
My Grandma And Grandpa
My Family And Friends
Friends Are Like Angels
For My Father
To My Mother
Another Day
Kill Me
Suicide (2)
What Went Wrong?
Suicide Intentions
Desecrated Glory
You Betrayed Me- The Other Side
You Betrayed Me
What Was It Before?
For Us
Until Death Do Us Part
I Love You And Goodbye
One Of The Things That Break Me
Darkness Falls
Drawn Together
I'm Not All Right
Holy Alliance
Do You Know what You Mean To Me?
Get Your Desires When I Retire

Still only scratches the surface of my relationship with Cody...but describes a bit of it...

When I was ready to die you looked inside,

Saw where the shadows within my heart reside.

You shed the light and kept me alive,

Gave me these goals to which I still strive.

You don’t know what I would have done unto you.

Don’t know the power you used to pull me through.

Touched my heart but you married my soul,

Didn’t even try to stop you, my thief; when it was my heart you stole.

So it all started with one look, one glance, one thought…

Scandia’s oldest adventure is where I found what I had sought.

A reason to care, a reason to live, reason to love,

I knew and accepted that I would soon be watching from above.

Limited lives, limited numbers, limited days,

Maybe not everything can go your way.

Yet still somehow your shadow lives within me,

And I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore all the strife.

But goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.

We spoke the night before so my heart skipped a beat.

Lost my breath riding quickly down fourth street.

Meet you at the theatres; shouldn’t be this excited.

It was some amazing feat when I saw you I was able to hide it.

Your words online echo and resound in my mind,

Didn’t know they would echo ‘till the end of time.

That tingling feeling you catch on a break,

I just didn’t want to make any mistakes.

I’m not gunna kid myself; it was puppy love- I know.

But there was no telling how far we could go.

For weeks now we spoke, saw you in the canyons but not alone.

"Fell off the cliff" and exchanged the pains we condone.

A silenced whisper- the promise of a kiss,

How the HELL did we wind up like this? (referencing now)

XXX, Blue Crush, these movies I remember-

Like breaking down in Tahiti just thinking of "My December" (referencing now)

I looked into your eyes, missed half the show,

Didn’t care cause your eyes left their mesmerizing glow…

We had spoken before of how eyes give their special meaning,

Can’t hide feelings inside when your eyes tell the truth- they’re gleaming.

Chest tightens fast; I know you won’t back away…

Reading your eyes, you wanted to kiss me that day.

Leaned in slow, you didn’t back down.

Closed my eyes but nauseated by the mixed feelings all around.

Our lips met…briefly, just one simple small kiss.

You have no idea how to me it was simply pure bliss.

Face turned warm, backed away and opened my eyes.

Staring deep into yours and claiming my own small prize.

Rode my bike home twice as fast with mixed feelings in my head.

Got home and remembered that one day I’ll be dead.

Could’ve cried right then when I thought I’d leave you,

Or maybe I just wanted for my heart to hold true…

It was one kiss, one date, not even a date for real,

There was no excuse really for feeling what I feel.

I’ll talk to you tonight, and everything will be okay.

You’re just a beautiful girl and this is just another day.

It was lust…puppy love…who knows where it’ll go?

But you only learn by failure of getting where you have to go.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


Aww shit…I fucked up…our first big fight.

If there was a dark side…can you see the light?

You bought your’re ready to go,

One phone call ruined it…that was a low blow.

Promised more than just you, promised chantelle, too.

Wound up goin with noone, what the shit was I supposed to do?

But it was okay, everything was fine.

I don’t have to worry about anything this time.

Didn’t know it would resolve in three month’s silence.

Unfortunately for me it was just a cold compliance.

I know…I fucked up…losing you after just one fight.

But that’s okay, it’s puppy love…right? …right?

Little did I know this would never go forgotten,

Caught up in reality, it’s a bad thing to be caught in.

Fifth of Octember, baby, here it comes once again.

That chance that my life will be done once again.

Some people say insane, some call it only swordplay,

I call it a death wish at Guatemala Bay.

Prove your skills with a blade, wait till first blood,

Don’t care if I find myself lying facefirst in the mud.

What was wrong with me this time? Why am I here?

Usually it’s the events that play out all year.

Then I caught wind; I see your face in my wallet.

I knew then what was wrong, had your number but wouldn’t call it.

It was one date, one kiss, one day of pure bliss.

I’m not supposed to care like that now, why do I feel this?

One fight, I told myself, just one fight.

But that’s okay…it’s puppy love…right?…right?

I was a fling to you, I think…no love can hold strong.

And now "all the boys of summer are gone"

I’m all that’s left of yesterday,

In the shadow of your today.

But that’s okay; after all, it was a fight.

It’s okay ‘cause it was puppy love…right?…right?

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


Started speaking again to my own little delight.

It started maybe with a small argument or fight.

But time passes by, who said it heals all pain?

But I decided I loved you when I was all alone in the rain.

Haha, that’s right…Red Hill Park in the field.

Sky so damn gray and blue and no umbrella for my shield.

Standing alone with the rain pounding upon my face-

Eyes turned to the sky and thinking of my own disgrace.

Soaked and standing, wet and panting, exhausted.

Then I thought those three words I swore to never be caught with.

Those words would follow me for the rest of my life,

Better to not tell you…I’d be handing you a knife

With which to drive straight into my spine.

Open myself to you blindly till the end of time.

Puppy love is all it was until that moment and now,

Then how I truly felt swept over me anyhow.

Told you that night, three little words of my feelings.

You said those words right back and my emotions went reeling.

Nowhere to go but forward…shit, a brick in the road.

You’re dating my best friend, a brother; I’m at the side,

Watching you and knowing what I feel I have to hide.

Just wanted you happy, I guess, but now I know I was wrong.

Then again, I’d been missing you for so very long.

Nichole was against me, I had my chance,

No reason to change everything with a furtive glance.

You told her of my love and she changed her view.

Maybe, perhaps, it can all work with you.

That twinkle crossed your eyes again; a smile sealed my fate,

You chose me over him, now I’m lost in this chaotic state.

It brought about bliss, it brought about peace.

It brought about what was to me my painless release.

Took four weeks more, but after some time,

I asked you out in your hallway…our lives became sublime.

I remember it well; we were leaving the garage,

And painted the perfect picture of a beautiful montage.

I regret one now, you’re my beautiful disaster.

And I’m praying we’ll live happily ever after.

I still followed a shadow that calmly promised death,

Still waited for my premature release of a final breath.

Not to worry, I knew I had at least fifteen years,
But your face was not designed to be distorted with tears.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


Okay…this was fun…suppose it the biggest single issue,

But goddamn, I knew losing you would just make me miss you.

It wasn’t real to me, was only a fallacy.

Created in her mind but it manifested reality.

One week…ONE WEEK…could this end it all?

I tried to tell me she doesn’t exist…I don’t want to fall.

My mind grew weary, it never happened, right?

There’s no reason to cry and no reason to fight.

But I did it…didn’t I? I am what I hate…

You don’t know how it FUCKS with me…can’t change it…too late.

You wouldn’t understand…duck my head in shame,

I HATE what I did…there’s no excuses for the lame.

You gave the chance; I could tell you and be forgiven,

But my mind was running scared and I was being driven

Insane by now, I knew exactly what I felt,

Can’t lose it all, can’t risk it…I’ll buckle and melt.

Close my eyes and whisper the lie,

Those words will echo forever in the sky.

I thought I could forget it…pretend it wasn’t real.

Now you don’t know all the pain that I feel.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


A day…a whole day…alone with you.

Who knows what things we can go through?

Universal Studios, a neat little trip,

But you’re mom still didn’t know…we thought she would flip.

My god, such a beautiful day, beautiful like you.

There was so much to play with and so much to do.

Caught a movie, road the rides, took tours and had fun.

Basked the entire day in the warm and bright sun.

Most importantly, I held you all day in an embrace.

Must have driven you insane but you reflected bliss on your face.

I knew I loved you, I knew you loved me back.

Within my soul, however, that darkness was coming back.

I decided only three days ago I would love you forever.

That I would see you, feel you, love you and never sever.

That moment…it’s forever locked into my mind.

One second can actually last until the end of time.

I pulled you to the side and looked into your eyes.

Well, almost your eyes, damn glasses took away the surprise.

Held both your hands and clasped them together,

Spoke words from my soul that spoke of my endeavor.

No ring for you baby…promise it will come.

Promised you my heart and soul had been won.

Rightfully so, because without you I’m just lost,

Losing you came at too high a cost (referencing now)

Jesus Christ, if only you knew…if you only fuckin knew.

But really you didn’t have a true clue.

Took a couple months, but I came up with what I’m worth.

A ring of white-gold, sapphires and silver.

Diamonds of half-value, but within it my promise.

Promise I’ll love you to wherever time’s dawn is.

Another deception, you just didn’t know.

The plan was perfect to make my love glow.

Took me seven months, but found my heart true.

Yet another ring to be bought just for you.

You’re fuckin MOM couldn’t deny this,

NOONE in the WORLD could stop this beauty’s kiss.

Over a thousand dollars, time and work paid off.

You were gone before you got it…then I got laid off. (Dramatic irony…wow…)

You never saw the ring that would have made you say "wow"

The ring that your parents could accept me for, anyhow.

It’s a beautiful disaster…flying down the street again.

A painful goodbye…wonder when we’ll meet again?

How the HELL did we wind up like this?

You don’t know the beauties and pleasures we missed.

You left me without ever saying goodbye.

Don’t worry baby…I’m sure you somehow tried.

You drove by my house from time to time…

Were you simply making sure that I’m still alive? (that’s sweet…really…)

But you just weren’t there when I needed you, baby.

Seems to be all I dream about, lately.

Now my hands and face are lined with guilt,

After all that love and trust we built.

In the end, it really doesn’t matter, does it?

The situation was clear enough to be seen as bullshit.

And now somehow we wound up torn apart.

It’s not right and it’s not fair when there’s still two broken hearts.

Now I look at where we are and I just want to scream.

Please god, wake me from this fucking bad dream.

It’s too bad…too late…I see how it’s all wrong.

I will NOT look into your eyes and say to you "so long"

It’s NOT goodbye, NEVER too late to talk,

Memories of us are forever within my mind- locked.

There’s not time left, try to hit "rewind"

Because maybe I can do everything just right this time.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


A friend of your family’s- a sudden death.

The tale has begun within a moment’s breath.

He kissed you, you kissed him back.

Not that you didn’t lead him on the right track.

Dancing the way you do, tempting the way you do.

You smoked cigarettes to stab at me just like you do.

Stubborn fuckin me, wouldn’t give you what you want-

Security, a backbone, even a playful taunt.

Let you run wild, let you run free.

Let you find your own way to destiny.

I see all the signs I overlooked and missed,

How the fuck did we wind up like this?

It was a subtle betrayal…unintentional, I’m sure.

But it happened anyway, now it’s a plague with no cure.

Waging World War III on our souls, we fought to no end,

Well, I suppose it ended, didn’t it? A kink in the neck too far to bend.

I don’t blame you; I don’t blame him, nor me.

Of course, a shit move was you going to Jersey.

Damn, I wanted to kill him...haha, who wouldn’t?

He was your friend, your family…for this, I couldn’t.

I held my tongue when I should have spoke.

I took no action when I should have woke.

I understand it now, I get it…I really do.

But I came so fucking close to losing you.

But still, I knew I was already hooked.

Can’t lose you now, baby…my world has been shook.

I’m remembering trying to meet you at midnight.

Couldn’t wake you from sleep, didn’t want to offer fright.

Spent the night on your roof just to be close to you.

Caught a cold for two weeks but it was worth it, too.

I’m remembering that fuckin possum within your backyard,

Swimming in your board shorts and you callin me "retard" (the playful taunts…always loved those…)

Somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


It’s a fever of fate that I’d never have thought.

A twist of events I would have never caught.

Pulled into my driveway and answered my cell.

One sentence threw my life to a fate worse than hell.

"My mom knows everything, I can never see you again.

Goodbye, Kyle." My world turned untrue again.

Raced up the driveway, pray to god it’s untrue.

Already preparing to fight a war for you.

Sent an email, we can hold on, I swear.

Just let me know you. Let me love you. Let me be there.

The next two weeks were of fights…your parents and mine.

But my thoughts still only focused on you…you were the prime.

I cried for a week, I cried at school.

People called me a pussy and teachers called me a fool.

I cried at home, I cried at night.

I cried in bed and cried in daylight.

Then I grew that backbone, baby…I was ready to fight the world.

And reality became hell…that’s exactly where I was hurled.

I fought with my friends, almost knocked Scot the fuck out.

Every time I stepped out of the ring I was waiting for a side bout.

I wondered how you’re doing, didn’t know your dismal hell.

Will everything turn for the better? Maybe time will tell.

You lost your privacy, trust, and respect.

And I fought with my fists, my mind, and dialect.

I turned and made one single, simple question for all.

I asked to speak to you’re parent’s face after all.

Scared, nervous, shaking, yeah I was.

But it’s not like I was nervous just because.

Your parents denied me…denied doing what was right.

What the fuck were they afraid of? Getting in a fight?

They could tell me I’m not good enough to my fucking face?

They had to take you away and leave me to rot with no reason for my disgrace?

Falling from grace, they couldn’t give me the fucking time of day?

Afraid to call me white trash or tell me I’m in the way?

What the shit is that? They can say it just fine to my back.

They can say it to my parents but to me it just lacks.

Your mom and my mom went at it in my mom’s job,

I’m standing just around the fucking corner- hand on that doorknob.

I knew I could hold on. I knew I could try.

I knew I could love you ‘till the day I die.

We lasted a month longer, we could still talk.

Then it felt like you turned your back and walked.

That was it, you were done…you were done and gone.

And I knew it would be forever…maybe forever is too long.
I knew my days were numbered, I would not see you again.

Fuck…I don’t think this is playing with the minds of men.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


I had seven months to forget you, seven months to believe.

But I thought of you always it’s so ill to conceive.

I thought I could hate you- I thought I could try.

Thought I could be taught to detest you and lie.

Dated the bitch I hated so she could teach me to hate.

Even stayed with her after being cheated on five times to date.

Dropped her- knew it was pointless. Can’t stop loving you.

Please forgive me for needing you like I do.

I have that picture-perfect life embedded in my mind.

Didn’t care if I was dead before I met up with sublime.

Seven months, oh my god…did I really care that long?

Seems like yesterday I realized one more time that you were really gone.

Don’t think it’s too late, baby…don’t give up on me.

I want to be with you and this is how it’ll always be.

Someday, baby…someday I’ll make everything all right.

Just not right now…for now I’m thinking of you every lonely night.

I know you’re wondering when but so am I.

I’ve only got till I depart this earth to kiss the sky.

"The story of my life- this could be a Hollywood story.

Let me write an ending that isn’t a horror instead of glory."

Let me write the ending so we can let it play out.

Let us know the ending is peace without a doubt.

But I’m missing you, baby…missing your touch.

Missing your love. Your life. Missing you this much.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


Explanation- around the end of our 7-8 month’s silence, I had this dream which I will post in a non-poem format. Everything is still in the order it happened…

I was driving in my little green Honda Civic. Old car, longest memories, haha. Scot was in the back seat with a girl I do not know. I have never seen her before. He was smiling and laughing, in pure bliss and harmony with her. The sun shone bright and warm, clearest day yet. Humid, slightly, like a reminder of living in Tahiti for a month. I was driving in earnest, really. But on my left the street was lined with dead trees and dried up weeds all in line to one another. Yet somehow I turned right and found myself pulling up to your house. I expected a replay of the last dream I had, when your parents walked in on me in your house. That one was weird, haha. But I pulled into your driveway, and all of your cars were there. You came out of the house, saying goodbye to your parents over your shoulder. You opened the door and hopped in, smiling and winking at me once. Didn’t know what to think of this. It can’t be like this- it never was before, how can it now? We started to drive away, windows rolled up. You moved over from the front seat and sat on my lap as I drove, turning away from your house. How it worked you on top of me and me driving at the same time, I have no idea- but hey, it’s my dream, right? I felt you with me again. It’s been so long since I’ve felt your skin. But it’s locked in my memory…. your feelings and tastes. By that fact, when you leaned over and kissed me lightly on my mouth, some figment of my imagination- some cruel part of my subconscious- pulled that memory out and manifested reality. I tasted your lips. I felt their soft presence. Sweet. Perfect. Like always. This was happiness. This was bliss. Please, god…don’t ever wake me from this dream.


New internet forum, myspace it’s called.

More like the place I fell down and crawled.

Because I saw you again, I saw your face.

Shattered my heart on sight, the feelings were interlaced.

A spiderweb of hope, a dream come true.

I got that chance just to talk to you.

First the hard part- the truth of it all.

That truth that still echoes from when I didn’t want to fall.
Yes…one week…close my eyes against repercussion.

I’m sorry I lied to you, but without you I could not function.

All lies are over, I cannot lie anymore.

Really cool that’s my choice, so now what’s in store?

Another truth that’s hard to see-

What you truly meant to me.

When I lost you, I became what was not meant to be known.

Darkness and multitudes of hate were all shown.

Koolio died, baby…’cause it would have killed me to be.

Koolio loved you, nothing but a shadow that is me.

Even when you said hello, you hit me hard again.

Didn’t know if it was fate or a bad fuckin omen.

All the feelings that never died struck back.

Fucked with my head- resistance I still lack.

You like another guy, hate the guy you’re with.

I understood it then- like the Force and the Sith.

Help you out, let your life be at peace.

Be happy for me, please god…please.

Baby baby, do you even see?

How I love you so simply and so damn blindly?

I'm looking out a window into a world that took you from me.
Cruel intentions, malicious codes, it's all so surreal to me.
I'm looking out that window and it seems it's all a dream.
Maybe it's not a dream but how I pray it's not what it seems.
Yet I know I'll wake to find myself in reality.
A dismal hell I'd care not relate- this concept is a fallacy.
I screamed and cried to all those who do not hear me.
Those apathetic and self-sought souls simply are not real to me.
I remember the pain- my god I remember the fights.
But nothing withdoes all our lonely and empty nights.
I held onto that hope that someday we'd be,
But I've come to discover this is not our destiny.
I remember our nights- alone in your bed.
It's swimming and replaying- slow motion in my head.
At Hollywood Studios, I gazed into your eyes.
You could see right through me- and I could read your lies.
I remember kissing you, from the first to the last.
But I can't think of you without wishing I lived in the past.
Jesus, girl, can you remember seeing my eyes as I cry?
Can you remember the careful whispers I cast up to your side?
Can you remember the feeling as we held each other tight?

Or have all these feelings faded darkly into the night?

But I hope that since we’re already here anyway,

We can say everything we needed to say.

Then you told me you still felt it all for me.
Am I allowed to cry now? I’ll never be free.

Inside me, that darkness is quietly and quickly on attack.

But I told you I loved you and I can never take that back.

Helped you out, tried to get you to ask him out.

All I want is for you to be happy without a doubt.

I’m giving in to you, I give up- I know.

All I wanted was to see you in life…wherever you may go.

I love you so much, I’ll love you till I die.

That ring holds my promise- that ring will never lie.

You stopped talking when you dated that guy, low blow to me.

That’s okay, baby…I get it. I’ll still love you and let it be.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.


2nd dream- Driving my motorcycle, I was free once again. I was tempting fate once again to take my life. I do this often, as you well know. Read my blog, you’d understand it again. Not like I’d have to explain it again. But freedom, roaming the road at speeds exceeding 120mph, every turn requires a lean and every straightaway requires speed and precision compared by no other degree. Every traffic infraction cause by some dumbass up the road requires split-second timing to judge and correct. Every minor over or under correction can be that much of a mistake, and even the most minute mistake could be your death. But it’s the wind in your face…the movement of your body when it becomes one with the bike…the weaving and swerving that has stolen my heart and captivated my mind. Tempting fate… the sun shone hot this time. Uncomfortable…but not as long as I ride. I stopped in a place I have never been…yet it’s the place I feel I’m returning to again. There was a large building…. a skyscraper, so huge I cannot describe it. In front of that building was a line. I don’t know who or what this line was for, only that this line stretched out beyond the building. The sidewalk was crowded…this felt like Pasadena when we went there with your sister. An odd itinerary of fate, I think. Haha. I parked on the sidewalk. Left my bike there and took off my helmet. The open air swept across my face and felt good to the touch. I began walking, lost in a daze- and I saw you. You were looking deeply into the glass building…looking into your own eyes, it seemed. I walked to you, around you, but you never saw me in that reflection. It was the brush of the shoulder…a pleasure to my fingertips…and you snapped awake from your trance. You turned and you eyes…oh my god, your eyes…they looked straight into mine. Your jaw dropped slightly and bottom lip quivered. Shock? Wow. Thought I was the only one who knew that effect anymore. Our arms locked and we embraced for a moment. Only a moment. It was an embrace of friendship. Companionship. Something you have been missing since the day we left. It was the embrace of love. Compassion. The embrace of one who found what left him lost. Something I have been missing since the day we left. Hugged me tight, hugged me strong, I held you back and could have done this all day long. But we parted and I looked into your eyes once again. You smiled that flashy smile I remember so well. One day, just not today…I thought. Goddamnit, I miss this. I miss you so fucking much. If only you knew…if you only frickin’ knew! Oh my god, you don’t know how I miss you. Then she saw me. I was never really good enough for her, was I? Not that she could’ve argued had she known, too. Haha. She pulled you away and pushed me back. There was a time I would fight those arms with everything I’m worth. But you deserve better, don’t you? I smiled in contentment for holding you one last time. Watched you get further away. Knew I would probably be sued or arrested sometime soon. It was then I realized I would never see you again. It was then I realized I would never feel you again. Doesn’t mean I can’t love you still…goddamn, I miss you so much. I turned and walked away, allowing a tear to fall. Then another. And another. "I’m giving in to you". I saw the officer as he began walking in an intercept path. Saw him approaching me as I approached my bike. A second too late, huh? "Hey you! Stop!" he said. I sighed inwardly. There was a time I would run. A time I would fight. That time is dead now. A single hug. I got what I wanted. Got what I needed. The answer to the question that haunts me so- the same fucking question I’ll never know. I miss you.


Flipped out- wiggin on the words that weren’t even real.

I already knew exactly how I feel.

You sent me a message and said I trust too easy.

But the thoughts alone left my stomach queasy.

I can help you out because I love you like this.

But I still don’t see all those signs that we missed.

You said you loved him…you love Scott.

Tears to my eyes…am I allowed to boycott? (haha)

Jesus, baby…you don’t see how I’m mixed and I’m lost.

I’m supposed to be happy but I’m tempest-tossed.

I told you I would love you till the end of eternity.

But you don’t know how eternity came to close to the end of me.

The darkness has left; I’ve got at least fifteen years.

And for that long I’ll never see a single wasted tear

As long as that tear was shed in your name.

I suppose that’s just the name of the game.

You told me that loving someone isn’t always enough.

It was always enough for me to push through and hold tough.

To love you is to know you- to always remember you.

And to know where my heart belongs, and that it will be true.

You have something noone else will ever get.

You set the standard that no other has met.

And I truly don’t mind waiting till the end of time.

I’m sorry baby if you find fault within this rhyme.

"I used to move you in a way that you’ll never know.

But then I accused you in a way that you’ll never know.

But you hurt me in a way that neither of us will ever know."

And for me this truly only comes to show:

You’re in love, and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be.

All I fuckin want right now is for you to be happy.

"I tried to find you but you were so far away.

I was praying that fate would bring you back to me someday."

You’re in love, baby, and I know it’s not with me.

Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be.

But you gotta hold one memory and one thought true:

Remember I’m always in the shadow, loving you.

I’ll never let you go, so I want you to know-

I loved you even when the "staff has bowed."

You gave me my memories- the time of my life.

You lifted my spirits and relieved my strife.

You showed me what it was to live.

You don’t even know all the gifts you’d give.

Even now- your injuries were too much to sustain.

I have to sit back and watch even when you’re in pain.

I can do nothing, can’t help…just wait.
Let these feelings within my soul grate.

The urges to maybe just stop by,

Knock on your door just to say hi.

I’m sorry, baby…sorry I can’t be there.

Wish I could sit there and gently stroke your hair.

Let you know how everything will be alright.

Let you know that some things are worth every fight.

They say you have things you can live and die for.

You are the only thing I really want to try for.

Haha, today I had an asthma attack.

Hit the floor so hard I almost broke my back.

Slipped into unconsciousness- it all faded to black.

All I felt was the pain and all the breath I lacked.

I remembered my dream and some figment of memory,

Allowed your voice to echo- this became a part of me.

Woke up in the hospital, is it time for me to die?

Maybe I’ll live long enough just to get by.

If you one day chose to return to me,

Nothing could stand in the way, baby.

I guess I kick it and wait for a time like then.

Just promise me not to stop when I tell you when.

I wish I knew what we have in store,

But I know I don’t have a place in your heart anymore.

Yet somehow your shadow still lives within me.

I’ve come to learn this is how it’ll always be.

Look at me, baby, ignore this strife.

Goddamn, I hope I gave you the time of your life.

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